Politeness in the age of loneliness: more important than ever

Just because people have the same geeky interests as you, 
does not mean that they have your best interests in mind.

As the modern age grapples with the paradox of “increasing loneliness in an age of increasing connectivity”, I think it’s important to remind yourself that, just because you’re starving for a connection with people, does not mean that you should latch onto anyone who shares anything remotely in common with you.

As social animals, connection is just as important to us as food and water in the long-term. So I empathise with people who feel like they must jump at any chance of sustenance. But it is precisely when you are starving that you must watch out for potentially poisonous morsels.

I think for people who are struggling with finding their people, it may be easy to feel that you should latch onto those who just happens to allow you into their space, and share some common interests as you. But beware, just because they share some common thing with you, does not mean that they believe in the same things as you, have the same principles as you, or even necessarily, see you as a person as you do.

The complexity of human interaction makes it such that every generation will demand different approaches, mindsets, attitudes. But one thing remains true in any context: practice caution with other people.

‘Cause keep in mind that, while you may be afraid that the people you fall in with might compromise you, the very same thing may happen to them. You are just as much at risk of hurting other people, even though you think you share the same interests as they do.

This is why I think politeness, tact, and etiquette come into play. It is important to create personal boundaries and social rules for yourself and for others. Intimacy, friendliness, and authenticity are things that should be portioned wisely, in small careful chunks rather than big portions. Beware of the person who insists on just being themselves in every situation; that signals to people that they’re not afraid to hurt other people in service of themselves.

Of course, that doesn’t mean that we should all then play some convoluted social-interaction game with each other. It’s about respecting yourself and other people: be open to people, but know how much of them you want to know, and be mindful of how much of yourself you can safely share with others.